OUR BUTTONS
On Sunday, we jumped into week two of Resonate’s ‘Art of Connection’ series, focusing on our buttons. Stay with me here – I’ll explain.
Unless you’re a robot, you probably don’t have physical buttons on your body that you can press. Thankfully, this message goes much deeper than that – it discusses our emotional buttons, also known as triggers.
Our buttons are sore spots that get activated in conflict in the context of relationship. They’re tied to our inner-most selves, and can elicit an emotional response to a word or action.
These buttons typically get formed through our early-life experiences, before we were in a relationship. Whether it’s one big event from our childhood, or constant negligence from parents or teachers, these feelings can stick with us for life. The memories may not affect us on a day-to-day basis – they could be so deeply buried we may not even remember them – but when we get put in situations that evoke similar feelings, they can cause a strong emotional reaction that may harm our relationship.
There’s no shame in having buttons – we all have them – it’s what we do with them that matters. So how can we silence those buttons when they get pushed?
1. Identify our buttons
First of all, in order to silence our buttons we have to recognize and accept that we have them in the first place. Here are some common ones: feeling helpless, feeling inadequate, feeling alone, not feeling good enough, feeling disconnected, feeling like a failure, feeling misunderstood, feeling controlled. And there are so many more. As you read through this list, give yourself time to notice how you respond to these words, and identify the buttons in your life.
The way we react to our buttons being pushed affect other people – we can actually push their buttons with our own button response! While there will be times when we fail and trigger other people, by taking ownership of our own buttons we can limit that hurt. Ultimately, we are responsible for our own buttons – but there’s good news – we don’t have to struggle with the emotional weight alone. God is here to support us, and actually wants us to come to Him. Let’s look at a biblical example.
In 1 Kings 19:13, Elijah is on the run, fearful of being persecuted for his devotion to God. He’s afraid. This is the same man the called fire down from heaven! Even he had his button of helplessness pressed. However, in this moment, he hears a voice say, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” and it was God!
God does the same for us – in the middle of our buttons being pushed, He shows up. He actually moves towards us in our moments of brokenness, because He cares and wants to support us. Once we accept God’s help and surrender our troubles to Him, the weight of our buttons come off. This doesn’t mean they won’t be pressed, but He can help us respond in love even when our largest buttons are pressed. It takes time, but we can get there with His strength.
2. Rest, eat, and play.
Looking back to the story of Elijah, the man calls down fire one day, and flees the next – what happened?
Elijah’s response is actually not that uncommon. How many reading this can related to inconsistency in our faith? When things get tough, when we mess up at work, when our relationships are bending and even breaking down, when the financial pressures of this world stack up, do we always go to God first?
Whether we want to admit it or not, the answer is no. Sometimes, it feels like we’re in round 7 of a fight, and we’re so worn out we can’t even think straight. We just put our head down and try to fight through it. And often times, we fail. What we can learn from Elijah’s story is that when we get stressed and exhausted, our faith can be inconsistent.
That’s why it’s so important to find time to rest, eat, and play – to do things that do not add stress to your life, but actually help to recharge you. You may have experienced the phenomenon known as “hanger,” whether first-hand or otherwise. You know, that irritability that can fester when we haven’t eaten in a while? It’s amazing how different a person can act once they have a little bit of food in their stomachs! It’s because food is a necessity. Likewise, rest and play are necessities for our mental and spiritual well-being, not a luxury.
Our buttons will still get pushed, but when we’re well rested and taken care of, our window of tolerance expands, and we can bounce back quicker from hurt and stress. This doesn’t necessarily look like a big vacation, but a daily practice. It’s about noticing our own hearts, and setting aside dedicated time to take care of it.
3. Be rooted in God
The final way our buttons can be silenced is by being firmly rooted in God, and recognizing His role as provider in our lives. We must be firm in our convictions.
Elijah illustrates this for us in 1 Kings 18:21 by telling the people not to waver between two opinions. When we get paralyzed by indecisiveness, we’re not taking a position of neutrality. We’re actually demonstrating a lack of trust in God to support us.
The choice for us is to surrender our buttons and emotions to God. As discussed earlier, God can give us the strength to respond with love when our buttons are pressed. Once we’ve experienced that, our faith in Him actually takes a proactive approach in silencing our buttons to prevent us from even getting triggered in the first place, because we know that God has already taken care of the triggering situation. When you’re rooted in something as powerful as the love of God, mere emotions may have a short-term affect, but they will not shake you to a place of toxic response.
Again, we all have buttons – it’s part of being human. They’ll get pushed and we may get upset, but it helps if we have a keen awareness of what triggers those emotions. From there, by properly taking care of ourselves with practical things like rest and food, along with a strong understanding that only God can actually provide us freedom from past hurts, we can move forward in healthy relationship knowing that even if our buttons get pressed (and they will!), we won’t self-destruct.
Make sure to check out the full message below!
