AM I CO-DEPENDENT?
This past Sunday, Resonate kicked off February with a brand new series called ‘The Art of Connection.’
Now I know what you’re thinking – a relationship series with Valentine’s Day right around the corner…isn’t that a little on the nose? Well, we have good news for you. While this series does touch on romantic relationships, it is so much more. This series will explore all sorts of relationships – from friends and family, to romantic partners, and most importantly, with God.
The reason we’re running a relationship series isn’t because it’s ‘on-brand’ for February, but because of this truth – how we experience relationship with one another impacts how we experience relationship with God, and vice-versa.
This week, we talked about the concept of co-dependence. Let’s break it down.
1. What patterns keep us from true connection?
We’ve all been disappointed by the actions of another person. We’ve been let down, and maybe hurt. Over time, if not properly treated, these emotional wounds can grow larger and deeper, and restrict our hearts from opening up to deeper connection moving forward. Eventually, we could become so numb to ourselves, that there may be relational needs in our life that we may not see.
Thankfully, we serve a God who is all-seeing. He sees our needs, and has compassion for us. This is so beautifully illustrated in Matthew 15:32:
Jesus called his disciples to him and said, “I have compassion for these people; they have already been with me three days and have nothing to eat. I do not want to send them away hungry, or they may collapse on the way.”
If you’ve read this chapter, you may remember that the people were not complaining about hunger, despite following Jesus for three entire days. They drew close to Him, and were overcome by His presence. However, Jesus recognized their need for food, and He cared.
We serve the same God today. You could be going through a tough situation in a relationship, or may not even know what you need. But God does. He knows you, notices you, and is ready and willing to meet our needs.
2. Are my needs being met?
Although we used a really practical example above, for the purpose of this series, our needs primarily refer to heart needs. Our heart is the seat of life in our bodies, and it’s important our emotional needs are met just as much as our physical needs. These are things like love, connection, intimacy, joy, safety, respect, passion, etc.
Often, we seek to meet these needs in relationship with people, putting responsibility on others to meet the needs of our heart, and frequently take on that same role in return. It’s the internal narrative that “I’m not okay unless this other person makes it all better.” And that’s called co-dependency.
Unfortunately, what may begin as good intentions and real, deep connection, can lead to emotional burdening or even resentment. God has taught us that other people cannot carry our heart – those are our own responsibilities. Thankfully, we don’t need to rely on our own strength in those moments. Unlike relationships with humans, who will let us down (because, well, they’re human), we can stand rooted in a relationship with God, which is so much stronger. This doesn’t mean we won’t get hurt by relationships, but it does mean our hearts won’t form those long-term scars that can lead to a disconnected life, because our needs don’t rely on people.
3. Where are we seeking to get our needs met?
It’s ok to have needs, and it’s ok to reach out to people for help or comfort. We just need to know that while people can help, God is the primary source for meeting our needs. As Jesus said in John 15:5, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”
Without Jesus we will flounder in our own strength. With Him, anything is possible.
The Bible even provides an example of two Kings of Israel who go to different places to meet their needs. You may have heard of them – King Saul and King David.
In 1 Samuel 13:11-12, Saul complains that Samuel was not there when he need him, and because of that, his army will be defeated. Through this passage, we can see that Saul relied on people and not on God’s promises.
Pivot to David in Psalm 23:1-2, having been captured by his enemies, David sings about the Lord’s provision, and knows that He will also deliver him out of his situation. David knew his identity in God and viewed Him as his primary source.
Saul and David had similar starts in life, but guess which one was blessed over and above as one of the most famous kings of Israel and faithful followers of God? As we move forward into the week, let’s have faith like David, be wary of co-dependency with other people, and ask God to meet our needs with His strength.
Make sure to check out the full message below!
